Will you blow on my dice?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
