mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
