we're chasing vodka with high fives
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
