I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
