wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
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