just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
