my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
