im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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