I molested 6 butterflies tonight
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
