The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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