I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
