Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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