Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
