She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
