Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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