Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Randomize
