Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
We were destined to go to rehab together
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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