Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
