dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
