yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize