So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
