seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
