And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
