I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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