I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
