you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
