dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
