It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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