Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize