I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
