im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
