I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
