Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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