all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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