it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
