my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
