Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
