Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
