Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
