I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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