if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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