Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Randomize
