Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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