just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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