i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
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