Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
wakey wakey hands off snakey
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
