a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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