I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
soo... how was my night?
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