hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
