distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
