I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
