I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
