You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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