So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
