it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
That reminds me...we need to get swords
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
