I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
