I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
