guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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