I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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