Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
