i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
