i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
