so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
