I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
