So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
