ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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