My friends, they love my intelligence
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
