Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
