he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
