Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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