I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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