Three words: puerto rican gang bang
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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