Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
