he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
