this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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