With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
