I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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