Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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