Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
