we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
