you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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