quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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