i jhust puked up my retainher.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize