me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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