she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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