i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Randomize
