I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
