Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I am naked and annoyed.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
