didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
