I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize