i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
