I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
