i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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