he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
