look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
