Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
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